


Go Ascend With Ivy

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: Maximum Ride - James Patterson
Genre: Crack, Don't Read This, Don't say I didn't warn you, Drama, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Humor, Romance, This Is STUPID, cliffhanger ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4413383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max and Fang have been playing mom and dad to the flock for a long time, but what will happen when Fang gets Max pregnant? Max/Fang, with Iggy/Max onesided.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Go Ascend With Ivy

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my older works, and it shows in the style... also, this is crack. Crack, crack, crackity crack. Take seriously at your own risk.
> 
> ALSO. NOTE THE "CLIFFHANGER ENDING" TAG. Two things about that. 1) Yes, I plan to leave it that way. 2) I don't even write for this fandom anymore.

_I'm caught in the twisting of the vines._  
_Go ascend with ivy, climbing._  
 _Ignore and leave for me_  
 _The headstone crumbling behind_. -AFI, "God Called In Sick Today"

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

Jeb had been gone for years and, as the oldest flock members, Max and Fang had assumed the roles of "mom" and "dad" to the kids. Iggy was sort of like their second-in-command as the "oldest big brother", or something. Not that he didn't  _want_  to be the "dad".

He might have been blind, but that didn't mean Iggy hadn't noticed how close Max and Fang had gotten recently. He supposed it was partly due to teenage hormones, which he was experiencing quite a bit himself. But Max and Fang had been playing "mom" and "dad" to the flock for so long, they were already used to thinking of themselves as a set, as a pair... and maybe even as a couple?

Max was completely oblivious to Iggy's feelings towards her - he made a point to hide it from her because he didn't want to make things awkward between the three of them.

Max and Fang were definitely getting closer to each other,  _too_  close in Iggy's opinion. Just this morning, Gazzy had confided to him that last night when he'd had a nightmare, Gazzy went to Max's room - whenever any of the younger kids had a really bad nightmare, Max would let them sleep in her bed for the rest of the night - and was surprised to find Fang sleeping in Max's bed with her. Gazzy had asked Fang if he had a nightmare too. To which Fang had replied, smirking, "No, Max did."

Iggy couldn't help wondering, were they just sleeping in each other's beds or were they actually doing... the  _other_  meaning of "sleeping together"...?

~to be continued~


	2. All Midnight Eyes

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

It was the middle of the night and Iggy was lying awake in bed - trying to think about explosives to get his mind off of Max, although so far that wasn't really working - when he heard footsteps in the hall. Quiet, dragging footsteps, most definitely belonging to Fang. And it sounded like he was heading for Max's room...

So, of course, Iggy decided to take the opportunity to spy on them (or eavesdrop, at least, since he couldn't technically SPY anything) from outside Max's door.

But all he heard were quiet shuffling sounds (Fang climbing into bed beside Max) followed by deep even breathing and the occasional snore (most of the snores came from Fang, Iggy noted with an odd sense of satisfaction).

After twenty minutes of this, Iggy was starting to get really bored, and had decided to go back to bed, when-

There was a rustling sound, then he heard Max whine (actually  _whine_ , sounding childish and vulnerable), "Fang, I had that dream again."

He heard more rustling sounds - Fang holding Max close, rubbing her back and stroking her hair to soothe her.

Iggy had never heard Max's voice sound like that before. She always so collected and tough... and it looked like Fang was the only one she let her guard down around, the only one she trusted to support and protect her.

Iggy was so wrapped up in listening to the scene inside Max's room that he didn't hear the footsteps in the hallway behind him. Angel ran right into him in the dark.

Oops.

Iggy quickly scooped the little girl up into his arms before she could make a sound, and zipped back down the hallway toward his own room.

"I don't think we should bother Max right now," he said quietly to her. "You had a bad dream, too, right? You can spend the night in my room, okay?"

"Okay," Angel agreed sullenly.

She really wanted to be with Max, because Max was like a mom. But... Iggy was good at cooking and stuff so he was kind of like a mom, too.

Iggy wasn't as cuddly as Max, though. He wouldn't let Angel sleep snuggled up next to him like Max did - he let Angel have the bed while he slept sprawled out across two (slighty deflated) beanbag chairs (that he and Gazzy had "rescued" from a trash heap one time).

~to be continued~


	3. But It's Just a Visit

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

Max was starting to wonder if maybe she and Fang were just a little too wrapped up in themselves (and each other) lately. She couldn't help noticing that the younger girls had gotten awfully cuddly with Iggy recently. And even Gazzy was going to Iggy instead of Max for what she typically thought of as "mom" problems.

When she brought the subject up with Fang, he replied sarcastically, "Our kids are growing up." And wiped away a fake tear from his eye.

Max smacked his shoulder and snapped, "I'm serious!"

Fang switched on his  _I'm-serious_  expression.

"I mean," Max continued. "They still need a mom, only for some reason that mom is Iggy now and not  _me_!"

Fang snickered at the idea of Iggy as a mom for a minute, then - becoming serious again - told her not to worry about it. It wasn't like she was neglecting her duties as a mom or anything. The kids were probably just going through a phase. Kids did that sometimes.

He didn't voice this next thought, but he was actually worried that Angel and Nudge had both developed crushes on Iggy. Which could cause major trouble - especially if Iggy and Nudge got together, leaving no viable partners within the flock for Gazzy or Angel. On top of that issue, Fang was pretty sure that Gazzy already had a crush on Nudge. But Nudge was fast approaching puberty, and was more likely to be interested in an older guy... The situation could easily descend into a web of soap-opera-style complications. But Fang saw no reason to burden Max with these observations, when she was already struggling with the feeling that her relationship with Fang might be tearing her away from the rest of the flock.

That night, Max didn't have any nightmares. In fact, she was enjoying quite a pleasant dream when she was awakened by the sound of Nudge's voice. Screaming.

Max leaped out of bed and darted out into the hallway, with Fang hot on her heels.

Angel quickly informed them, "Nudge locked herself in the bathroom."

Gazzy was also out in the hallway. Iggy was conspicuously absent.

"Nudge, honey, are you okay?" Max called through the closed bathroom door.

"Um, Max..." Nudge hesitated, for once in her life not having much to say and not knowing how to phrase what she needed to say. "... I think I just became a woman."

_She WHAT?!_

Max exchanged a look with Fang that could be translated as  _Do you want to kill Iggy, or shall I? Better yet, let's both kill him_.

Since Nudge was too embarassed to continue, Angel tapped into her mind and explained, "She woke up with a stomachache. Iggy gave her warm milk and told stories until she went back to sleep."

Iggy chose this moment to make his appearance and took up the tale from there.

"But apparently it was actually cramps, not a stomachache. Cause she perioded all over my bed."

~to be continued~


	4. I'm Slowly Drowned To Sleep

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

Well, that explained the screaming. Nudge always had been squeamish, so when she woke up and saw the blood...

 _But_ , Fang thought, _this is good, in a way. Max is over her "inferior to a man-mom" complex, cause this is something that only a FEMALE mom can help Nudge with_.

Max had coaxed Nudge into letting her in the bathroom, and was now helping her get cleaned up and instructing the younger girl on the things she needed to do during a period.

Fang took up his role as dad and got Angel and Gazzy back to bed. Unfortunately for him, he'd been forced to explain what a period was to them since Max was busy tending to Nudge at the time.

Once Nudge was all cleaned up and back in bed (in her own bed, not Iggy's), Max decided to camp out in the girls' room for the week, to help Nudge survive her first period.

It looked like Fang would be sleeping alone for the next seven days. He sighed. He liked sleeping with Max. Oh, well. He could  _sleep_  without her. And he was sure they could find some way to sneak off during the daytime to... do the part of "sleeping together" that doesn't actually involve sleep. Because he wasn't sure either of them could actually last a whole week without  _that_.

His thoughts on the matter were interrupted when-

"Hey, Fang," Iggy said quietly. "Since you're always sleeping in Max's room anyway, can I please have your mattress?"

"Just flip yours over," Fang suggested.

"No, it's still gross," Iggy moaned. "I don't want to sleep laying on  _period_."

Fang snickered. He couldn't help it. It was funny.

"Oh, come on, you can't even see the stain," he argued.

"I can  _smell_  it!" Iggy snapped, temper flaring. He hated when anyone -  _especially Fang_  - poked fun at his blindness.

Fang winced. He knew that Iggy's other senses had sharpened to compensate for the loss of sight, and having to sleep with the scent of blood  _right there_  didn't sound like much fun...

"OK, fine, you can have my mattress," Fang conceded. "But don't touch my pillows."

~to be continued~


	5. Warn Your Warmth to Turn Away

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

The flock survived Nudge's first period. Somehow. It was a close call, actually.

During one of the times when Max and Fang went mysteriously missing for half a day, Nudge was laying in awkward position watching TV and leaked blood on the couch. Iggy freaked out and hid in his room, leaving only Gazzy and Angel to deal with the mess and a nearly-hysterical Nudge. Somehow Angel managed to help Nudge get cleaned up and changed, while Gazzy tackled the disgusting task of trying to get the bloodstain out of the couch cushion. In the end he failed to get it all out, and resorted to the age-old tactic of flipping the cushion over.

By the time Max and Fang got home, the situation was mostly resolved. Except that the couch was still bloodstained and Iggy was still hiding in his room. Iggy only felt bad about hiding after Max yelled at him. And then he mostly only felt bad about it because it had caused Max to yell at him.

During dinner that night, Gazzy brought up the question, "Where  _were_  you guys today, anyway?"

"We were checking the perimeter," Fang replied.

Iggy would have bet anything that Fang had a shifty look in his eyes right now.

"Yeah, right. You were checking out  _Max's_  perimeter," Iggy muttered under his breath.

Apparently Fang heard him, because - even though he couldn't see it - Iggy could feel the death-glare Fang was now directing at him.

"Oh, don't deny it," Iggy said, loudly enough for everyone to hear him this time. "It's totally obvious that you and Max have been gettin' it on. I mean, why'd you  _think_  the kids started sleeping in MY room when they have nightmares?"

If this was a '90s anime, Max would have facepalmed. Duh. Of course that's why the kids stopped coming to her when they had nightmares. Fang was always in her room at night.

"Okay," Fang said. "Since there's obviously no point in trying to hide it anymore... Max is pregnant."

And here Iggy had been hoping they would both deny it, because that would have meant that he still had a chance with Max.

~tbc~


	6. I Can Feel You Dreaming of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at this pathetically short little chapter. :D

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

It was the middle of the night. Max woke up crying.

"I had that dream again," she whispered to Fang. "The one where our baby is born human."

If the baby was actually born all human, it would mean trouble for the flock. Because if the kid couldn't fly, they'd have to carry it around with them. And once it got too heavy to be carried, either they'd have to leave it with humans somewhere or the flock wouldn't be able to fly anymore either...

"Well I had a dream that our baby was born all bird," Fang lied. "So I think they cancel each other out. It'll be a birdkid baby for sure."

~tbc~


	7. I'm Caught in the Twisting of the Vine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU YOU'D BE DISAPPOINTED. THIS IS THE ENDING. NOTHING COMES AFTER THIS.

~ Go Ascend With Ivy ~

The next few months passed relatively uneventfully. The kids were all excited about Max's baby, but Iggy was sullen and withdrawn and ended up spending most of his time with Angel - who was a little upset that she wasn't going to be the littlest flock member anymore once the baby was born.

And then the Erasers came for Angel.

Well, they  _came_  for Angel... but they  _left with_  Max and Fang.

Max woke up in Fang's arms, which wasn't unusual. They were sitting up, which was also not entirely unusual. So why did she have a feeling that something was wrong...?

Then she opened her eyes. They were in a familiar room. In a cage. At the School. Oh, yes. That was definitely very wrong.

Around them she could hear the whitecoats whispering excitedly. She couldn't make out everything that they were saying but she did catch some important-sounding bits.

"...mated pair..."

"...next generation..."

"...egg or live birth?"

"...can hardly wait to begin testing..."

~end~


End file.
